I love to write, and I have considered a career as a writer many times over the past ten years. Because of this, I have tried several times over the past few years to start a blog. Each half-hearted attempt has been unsuccessful, but I could never understand why. I have never been short of words. I love to talk, to weave stories, even to write papers for school. It didn’t matter if it was a short story for a creative writing class, a 15-page paper for a psychology class, or just something I was writing for myself, I never had a problem coming up with words… until I tried to blog.
Finally, I have realized the problem. I can write for myself—it’s just me. I can write for a professor—no matter what I write, I am sure at some point they have seen worse. Blogging, on the other hand, puts my thoughts out there for the whole word to see, and we all know, once anything is in cyber-space, you can never take it back.
Now, I am not naive enough to think that the whole world is going to read what I write on this blog or any other, but it is still out there for all to see and critique, to love or hate. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel exposed.
Yet, once I realized what my problem was, I realized I need to get over it. Now.
I wrote a novel. My first novel may not be perfect—far from it in fact. But it gave me the confidence to know that I can write a full-length novel. It also showed me how much I love writing, how much passion I have for creating a new world, telling the many stories that have a tendency to float around my head. And one day, I want people to read them.
Which brings me back to blogging. It may be insane, but I have this fear that the wrong person is going to read my blog, hate it, and it will end any chance I have of a publishing career. Irrational? Absolutely. Still there? Yuppers.
Trying to reassure Kaye and I that this was not a real problem, her husband basically told us, “Don’t worry, no one is going to read it anyway, other than maybe your mothers.” Great, I thought. What was I thinking—no one will ever judge my blog, because I am so boring, no one is going to even read it. (Certainly not the best pep-talk I’ve ever received).
Still, I realized, it doesn’t matter who may or may not read this blog. I need to write it. I need to face my fears and overcome them. If I am afraid to have someone read a blog I wrote, how am I ever going to gain the confidence to have someone read my novel?
So, this blog is my way of taking baby-steps. Kaye will keep me on schedule; she will force me to get over those fears and put my thoughts out there for all to see. I will do the same for her. It is my hope that this will help us to have the confidence to let all of our amazing, supportive family and friends (and anyone else who is interested) actually read the stories we are working so hard to create. After we do some serious editing, of course. 🙂